Balding Gracefully: November 2010

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Hello Teenage Years -

My oldest daughter turns 13 in about 3 hours.

However, I'm not terribly worried about this particular teenager. I was originally going to post about how great she is but then I remembered my wife already did a great article on her blog a few weeks ago.

You can read that post, and then come back. I'll wait.

Instead, I reflected a little bit today on 13 years of being a parent and the conclusion I've come to is that it is the easiest job in the world to describe how to be a good parent. It's the hardest thing in the world to execute on effectively.

The simplest definition I've come to for being a good parent is: Giving your child a healthy, loving environment in which they can grow to be their own person.

It sounds so incredibly easy, but it is so incredibly difficult. Kate is writing an interesting 7 point series on parenting. In particular I enjoy the article on genetics as one of the more significant things I've found is that children are who they are - for good, bad, or otherwise - and it's our job as parents to figure out the right way to help them be the best they can be with their particular gifts and quirks.

Why is it so hard, then, if the definition is so simple? Life. Being Human.

How does one give themselves totally over to parenting without losing their own personal identities, hobbies, interests, etc.? Throw into the mix the demands of career advancement, employment, relationships with friends, and family you can get pulled in any direction any time.

I've been a father now for 13 years and I still feel every day I am learning. I'm grateful for an intelligent wife with a psychology background as I think that has accelerated my ability to understand and relate to children more completely.

Lastly, I think there's a general lack of recognition for being a good parent. There's no "Parent of the Year Award". No boss to come say "Hey, I think you did a great job defusing that temper tantrum today." However, you're quick to get glares in the grocery store if it is your toddler to have the meltdown over a box of candy in the check out aisle.

Oh - brief confession - when it's your child, I enjoy it; it makes me feel better about my parenting. Sorry. You can feel the same way about me when my child has the meltdown. Deal?

The rewards from parenting do come forward though when you look at your children and think "Hey, I had some part in creating that awesome person."

I think I am going to try to do that more.

Posted via email from David Billson's Posterous

Charlie Dancing

Charlie decided to bust a groove at LaserQuest. Fortunately I had my camera handy.

Posted via email from David Billson's Posterous

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Why your child is right to cry at bedtime

Children crying at bedtime can be one of the more frustrating aspects of parenting, at least for me. A child who refuses to got to bed while mommy and daddy themselves are over tired is a recipe for an evening of grumpiness.

About six months ago I was putting my 2 year old to bed and said to him "It's ok, baby boy, it's just night time. You'll see us in the morning. There's nothing to cry about."

Shortly thereafter I realized the huge lie that I had just told. We wouldn't see each other in the morning. A small child changes so much, even in a day, that the child that wakes up in the morning is no longer the same one that we put to bed.

I started thinking more about this and further concluded that by the age of 2 we really only have another 550-800 nights or so where he will want or need snuggles at bedtime.

As adults, we see another night go by and wake up the next morning, never thinking of the change that has happened in our lives; how we have aged, how are children have aged. It's another day, just like yesterday.

It made me wonder if our children are more in tune with the passing of time that we are. It made me wonder if the child who cries at night knows that they've just lost one more night of snuggles, and only have 549 left. Mommy, Daddy, why am I going to bed - we have so little time left.

Perhaps if we truly understood the passing of time and how little time we have with our babies, and how fast that time goes by, we would be the ones crying at bedtime.

I no longer say "It's OK" or "There's nothing to cry about" when I put my children to bed. That doesn't mean I'm not frustrated when they won't go down to sleep; we all need our mommy and daddy time. However, my frustration is mixed with empathy.

That empathy means I will sing one more song, give one more snuggle, sigh one more exasperated sigh because I know deep down he is right to be sad about bed time.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My daughter the artist

See and download the full gallery on posterous

I found these cool drawings today. The Manga blew my mind as she just started using a "how to draw" book.

Shortly thereafter I discovered her Fail series.

I think the dichotomy is amusing.

Posted via email from David Billson's Posterous

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Toddlers will truly argue anything. Charlie is HAPPY dangit!

Kate
Captured this shortly before nap time.

Posted via email from David Billson's Posterous

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Why #Movember for me.

As day 15 has come and gone, we're past the halfway point of Movember.

And some of us are probably wondering what we got ourselves into :) I thought it would be a good chance to reflect on why I got involved.

There is an element of team-work and fun, and let's admit it - playing with our facial hair style is one of those rare things us men get to do - usually reserved for vacation time. To have a full month to grow something a little different without being judged is a bit of a perk.

However, the real reason I decided to get involved is a simple stat. 1 in 6. One in 6 men will be affected by prostate cancer in their life time. The stat for Breast Cancer in women is 1 in 8. Fortunately the death rate for both diseases is lower, 1 in 35; both of these stats depend early detection for successful treatment.

I think men in general are less prone to discuss these types of issues - potentially due to the ways in which doctors check the health of the prostate (all men and most women reading this probably just winced). Women have done a fantastic job raising awareness, funds and research for breast cancer and have raised the profile of the importance of early detection.

As men, we are raised that the only time you go to the hospital is when you've lost enough blood to fall unconscious which will allow another person in the room to call 911. Most of us would rather take a bullet then to walk into the doctor and say "Hey Doc, I'm about do for a prostate check right?"

So that brings me to why I am participating. I started thinking about 1 in 6 in of the males in my life. For my family that includes my parents, wife and children, that means statistically one of us will be impacted. For my co-workers, statistically 2 of us will be impacted. For my extended family of Billsons, that means at least 3, maybe 4. Maybe more.

We have to do better for our children, our fathers, and ourselves.

That is why I am doing Movember. You can check out my progress below. And if I've inspired you to donate, my page is here: http://ca.movember.com/mospace/799294/